heart, can you work brainly?

heart, i know you only doing your job, but still.. can you work more logically, see things happen then realize this is not your time to get to work and go home get some sleep..
brain, your superpower on commanding all my bodies seems failed, many times.. things are changes out of you legitimate power, esp in heart..
 i just wanna scold you still i dont even know is it going to work or not..

this is what i've been avoiding all the times, this fragile feelings, but still they come rushes me off like the last time.. destruction feeling which will overcome any risk that been calculated but still it comes..

love..
silly words.. which turn me into a stupid silly little clown.. laugh and being laughed at..
just now i realized them.. things that i've been madly avioded.. not this time i pray..
cant erase all the times i hurt or being hurt, cant even remember all the oaths i take for someone i long to, but my body just act like what i've been swear..
please i'll gladly welcome you anytime, but please not now..

come at every time when everything settled, when my feelings wont hurt others, when my feeling wont fade out easily..
all i can do now is hurting, all my feelings just will guide me to another guilty story..

i'm sorry..
i can only destroy you, for every little nice thing you give, all the warms i get from you and this is what i give you back.. i'm really nice girl :) sorry hey Al-Fatih

don't like being lonely but I'm afraid of people expressing their affection to me.
pretend not to notice.
pretend not to hear.
run away.
brush off.
cover up.
reject.

i even lie to myself, pretending that no one has any feelings for me.
this is the only thing i can do to depend myself.
i don't know if it's gonna hurt others more.
my brain won't work like my heart does.