just some lines for mother

"have u been well there??"


"do u eat well there??"


"he doesnt yell at u, right??"


"do u sleep well??"






if u asking me the question i ask u above, i'll say NO for all the q's .


i'm not well living here .


i dont eat well too .


and i have to hear him yelled every night when he got drunk .


and i cant sleep well while i have to think that tomorrow could be worse .






i'm tired mom, i'm not ready for this yet .


i only have Rifal on my side, and he is in the trouble too .


i cant always clinging on him all the time .


now that i have nobody to cherish me .


now i dont have any reason to cherish mysellf .






i broke my own body .


i ruined my own mind .


and i dont feel anything pain till my whole life really such a fuckin messed up .


u and Rifal are the only family i have .


i couldnt just let him go when i know that u went first .






i'm ur only daughter mom .


can u more appreciate me a little??


is it not enough to left me for 16 years ?


and now on my 18 u left me again .






if u planned me to live all alone while u and ur new family there, at least meet me with my own father .


not that liar-gold-masking father u choose for me (or maybe for yourself)


i'm scared mom . i'm scared with what they said .


they said something scary about my life .


and they ended my story life as their imagination .






God, if i meant to live like this, please turn me into a mentally strong girl . so that i won't blubbering and crying every night, i'm tired .


God, if i meant to live like this, please give Your power to my beloved person who always help and fight for me. so that he wont exhausted whenever he help me .